Friday, September 17, 2010

Random Thoughts & Annoyances

Why do I continually get emails telling me that the reason I am out of work is because of the failed policies of the Republican Party and if I would just donate some money to the Democrats I can change things?  YOU’VE GOT IT ASS BACKWARDS GUYS!  FIRST THE JOB THEN THE DONATIONS.  GOT IT?  UNTIL THEN, SHUT YOUR FACE!
Why do people spend millions of their own dollars to run for an office job that pays $200,000 per year?  Could it be the LOB syndrome?  (Lure of bribes?)
The squeaky wheel gets the oil?
That only works sometimes. In an office it gets the entire can, or possibly gets you canned.  As a child it gets punished.  I guess if you consider getting fired or being punished as getting oiled then it is right.  Personally I would rather get greased but that form of payback is confined to the politicians.
And speaking of politicians, does anyone really believe I am going to change my vote because a recording called my home at a very inopportune moment?  If so I need that person to call me about some land I own off the Florida coast and a bridge that’s in first rate condition in need of a new owner!
Hate crimes deserve a more severe punishment than regular ones.
I believe all who commit crimes against humanity deserve to be punished.  It is rare when you will hear a defendant say that he killed someone because he really liked the guy.  Isn’t it fair to say that if a person kills somebody there had to be an element of hate involved?  But the bottom line if I am the victim of murder then I really don’t give a rat’s ass if the guy hated me, liked me or loved me, I’m dead and I need him punished.
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.
So what exactly is early in that adage?  Let’s face it, if everyone decided to go to bed at 8pm and get up at 3am in the morning we’d all be groping around in the dark.  The healthy part of that statement will still depend on a whole set of other factors not the least of which is diet and exercise.  The wealthy part will also need outside help since you cannot make money unless someone else is willing to give it to you or you can scam it out of them.  And as for wise – as you get older you realize that the people who make up these adages are sleeping in plush beds while the rest of us are out in the dark looking for ways to serve them.
The early bird catches the worm.
Ditto above.  And by the way, who the hell wants to catch a worm?
Commercials for drugs where the disclaimers take up more than half the air time even though the ‘voice-over’ speaks at the speed of light should be banned.  If the drug causes twice as many bad and dangerous side effects as it purports to cure then who needs it?
Truth be told most of us would rather live with a little depression than take your drug and HAVE THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE!
And what about the drug that helps us sleep but has the interesting side effect of causing us to walk around and drive off somewhere while still sleeping?  If I am going driving I think we can all agree I do it better while awake.
Abe Lincoln was famous for his, “Can’t fool all the people all the time” saying and he was a Republican.  Boy did he get it wrong.  (As did Republican buffoon Bush when trying to repeat that phrase.) Politicians say one thing to one group and then totally contradict themselves when talking to a different group.  But when we catch them at it they spin it around so quickly that you end up doubting they ever said anything at all in the first place!
So from now on if a politician contradicts himself it is the duty of every American citizen to make sure all the people he spoke to know he stands for both sides!
And furthermore if a politician says one thing during a campaign but does the opposite after being elected he must be thrown out immediately and replaced by the person he defeated.
Pollsters get rich by getting us to answer questions and then selling a composite of those answers to others.  From now on I answer no poll unless they offer me a piece of that elusive pie.
You want my answers?
I want your answers!
I want to get paid
Sorry, I was ‘cruising’ but got carried away.
A friend asked why all the rich people also seem to be the rudest uncaring ones.  Isn’t it obvious?  If you care about someone else it is hard to steal their money or ideas and claim them as your own. And it is nothing new. It’s probably been going on since the caveman days.  See the movie, Flash of Genius.  
Nice guys don’t always finish last, sometimes they don’t even finish!
And speaking of finishing I end this random inane diatribe with a clean thought:
A hot bath followed by a rinse in the shower cleans your body properly.
They say that hot water cleans better, why?  Heat expands anything it touches. If you sit in a hot bath the heat opens up the pores on your skin.  If you then ‘suds up’ in the hot bath you are soaking in the dirty water you just created.  Some of the dirt will find refuge in the deep recesses of your newly open pores.  When you stand up to rinse your body cools off a bit thus closing the pores and trapping the dirt.  The subsequent showering only removes the skin’s surface scum.  You smell clean but carry deeper dirt.
So if you take a bath you have to follow it up with a very hot shower to be fully clean.

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