As reported in the Canadian Goose Gazette:
Several of our finest scouts from the border brigade were killed today when a large metallic object flew straight into their path. It is believed that the silver beast was flying south probably to escape the cold. Unfortunately this cowardly and unnecessary act has had far reaching consequences for our community.
But the disaster could have been much worse.
The victims, the La Guardia Geese Group (The "L Triple G") were guarding the grounds around the local nursery when they were struck. Quick thinking on their part allowed them to push the offending object far enough off course so as to avert damage to any of the goslings below even while they were giving their own lives with the effort.
Witnesses credit these few for averting a major disaster as the silvery winged object turned away and landed in a river. We hope and pray that none of our fish brethren were injured as a result.
Our hearts and thoughts go out to the families of the loved ones. Services will be held for our brave fellows at all the major parks on Long Island.
Show your support by dropping gifts all along the grounds of your choice.
(PS - This reporter wishes to thank the writers of SNL for taking this story and airing it on their network. I will return the favor and goose them if I ever get the chance.)