Thursday, February 7, 2008

Wizard Evolving

Super Tuesday seems to have fallen like a house out of the sky on the scarecrow. Mitt has decided to put his considerably heavy wallet back in his pocket for a rainy day, or perhaps forty of them and jump off that yellow brick road. And so we bid farewell to the Romney family for now. But just like a bad penny I feel we have not seen the last of him.
I also realize that I have slighted a whole bunch of other people out there. I have seemingly ignored the huckster. Trust me, it was not a mistake. I know that a lot of people heart Huckabee and for that I am sorry. Not that I left him out but that a lot of people heart him!
This nebbish of a man does not believe in evolution! I really don't think I have to say anything else.
The thought that we may be descended from chimpanzees is anathema to some and heresy to others but facts are facts. Science does not have the answers to all things in the universe but at least it tries to understand and experiment and move forward. The hucksters of the world hold us back.
Bishop James Ussher (1581-1656) of Dublin was a learned man and a scholar of the Bible. He used a novel method to date the world in which we live. Using different versions of the Holy Book and a keen regard for dates and human nature he tediously cross-referenced the lives of every person mention therein to count backwards to the actual time of Creation. The bishop determined that the World began on Sunday October 23rd, 4004 BC. Similarly he figured out that Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden for eating the wrong grocery item on Monday, November 10th of the same year.
Now I am no scholar of the Bible but I too am blessed with an inquiring mind and the will to go the extra mile so I have figured out where the wonderfully lush Garden of Eden was located. And for the first time I will put my calculations into print knowing that I will anger many people and awe others with my conclusions.
Slightly after the beginning there was Adam and then there was Eve. Adam and Eve had two children, two children had they. The first born of the first couple were named Cain and Abel. But Cain did a number on his brother and Abel was no more. Adam and Eve then begat Seth. According to the Holy Scriptures Adam and Eve had many more sons and even may have had daughters. But no matter how many children they had there were no other parents producing other offspring. And from the 'original sin' duo of Adam and Eve today we have over six and a half billion people on the Earth.
Q.E.D - The Garden of Eden was in West Virginia. (If you are from West Virginia then I meant to say Kentucky.) And just to tie things together, the huckster-meister won the primary in West Virginia!
The menu would appear to be a short one: Believe the Bible and we are all incestuous or believe evolution and our ancestors were apes. Maybe that explains kids' fascination with tree houses!
But I digress.
So John McCain is now the presumptive nominee for President from the Republican Party. He says he is and always has been a conservative. He says it over and over again. I am not sure if he is trying to convince his party or himself but hopefully he will convince only half of his party and alienate the rest. The republicans have been two-faced for so long that it now appears they may be forced to actually have two faces and a fracture could occur.
Wouldn’t it be funny if in the end Al Gore and Michael Bloomberg decided to run?
But there are many Tuesdays yet to come before we can put this incredibly long and annoying Presidential campaign behind us. Who knows who will evolve enough to become our new leader?

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