In a surprise move today the Merriam Webster Corporation has filed a class action lawsuit against the entire English speaking world claiming plagiarism.
A spokesman for the alleged injured party claimed that with sales of their revered editions dwindling down to a precious few as a result of the proliferation of internet search engines they could no longer sit idly by and watch their product be massacred by the masses without receiving correct compensation for its use.
When it was pointed out that they too had a web site and that their words were offered thereon without charge they merely countered by saying, “Words. All you say is just words.”
He went on to once again claim that even those words were indeed their property. He also thanked me for reminding him about the web site and claimed that a ‘pay for use’ system is in the works and will be implemented some time in the near future.
Also included in the suit and mentioned by name is the ‘upstart’ Wikipedia which is held in the lowest possible esteem by the venerable company.
The spokesman did say that many people may be excluded from the lawsuit and in fact become part of the claimants group should they so choose by contacting the MW legal department in a timely manner. People like Stephen Colbert who coined words such as ‘Truthiness’ and of course President G W Bush who, “is still using words with which we are unfamiliar” will be receiving invitations by registered mail.
The company claims it was forced into this action by recent allegations of plagiarism being frivolously thrown back and forth between the two current Democratic Presidential candidates.
“We do not wish to have our good name brought into this fray nor do we wish to take sides and we therefore hope to stop any inane and petty lawsuits between Senators Clinton and Obama by heading off their silly squabble with this one true fight.”
“We are also sick and tired of hearing attorneys use the phrase, “In your own words” when questioning a witness. THEY DO NOT HAVE THEIR OWN WORDS. THEIR WORDS ARE OUR WORDS!”
After the spokesman calmed down he continued, “America, consider yourself on notice. From now on you must use the familiar © symbol every time you write anything and recite a disclaimer after every sentence uttered. Failure to do so will bring about a speedy and just penalty.
You have been warned.”
The spokesman then went on to end by simply saying, “The preceding announcement was brought to you by your friends at the Merriam Webster Corporation and may not be used in any way shape or form without the express written consent of the company or its legal representatives.”