Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The " ? " Word

A short time ago some idiotic small minded hecklers shouted at and belittled our Congressmen and women as they walked up the Capitol steps.  One in particular used the ‘N’ word.

Say what?

Actually it is amazing how well we know exactly what is meant by the above.  It’s a euphemism and they have been in our lives forever.

They are in the lingo used by waitresses to make sure the BLT is ‘down’ or when it is ‘86’ and by the street-wise youths wanting their own private language, yo. 

But when you mix euphemisms and politically correct speech together much may end up lost in translation.  A is no longer just for Apple!

We have reached the point in America where we must stop and think before using any words that could be construed or misconstrued as offensive.  But while there are words that have been replaced by kinder gentler terms the meanings behind them are still quite clear.

So in the interest of a stress free society I have prepared the following list of possible slur substitutes for your consideration.  And so that you may find the insult of your choice quickly they are in alphabetical order.  Feel free to add your own but be kind. Study hard - There will be a test.

The “A” word – Usually followed by ‘hole’ or proceeded by ‘Jack’ - Biblically this one has a jawbone!

The “B” word – Men have an itch to use this word all too often.

The “C” word – Now we’re getting nasty – It’s not aunt and it’s not bunt…

The “D” word – Another word men use to describe some women. It’s also a popular TV personality and friend of Mary Tyler Moore.

The “E” word – Well, euphemisms or if you are religious, THEE word!

The “F” word – Homophobic repressed and closeted individuals sling this one.

The “F” bomb – Notice the switch from ‘word’ to ‘bomb?’  Mr. Biden does!

The “G” word – The nineties were!

The “H” word – Where I’ll probably end up for writing this piece

The “I” word – Used by jealous Republicans during the Clinton years. But they caught on to his fun and started getting their own rather regularly

The “J” word – I am familiar with this as are many who celebrate Hanukah during Christmas or Passover around Easter time.

The “K” word – Ditto the above but nastier

The “L” word – Another one of the words men love to toss around – and some women as well

The “M” word – This was a movie in 2004 and also wedded bliss but sadly in my country only for “opposites”

The “N” word – ‘Nuff said

The “O” word – In Hollywood it’s used around awards time but may also signify territories under foreign rule, not that we would know about such stuff

The “P” word – Something you can do to your finger if you handle roses improperly

The “Q” word – In a ‘break a leg’ sort of way believe it or not this is a ‘kin ahora’ for nurses and doctors who work in an ER and will never say, “Gosh it’s a Quiet day!” Poo poo poo.

The “R” word – Generally only people who are this use this

The “S” word – Something to ‘get together’ and many extremists are brimming over with

The “T” word – During the reign of Bush 43 we never did any of this to detainees! (Honorable mention – something for Tat)

The “U” word – Management and large corporations consider this one a 4 letter word but it’s actually 5, right Norma Rae?

The “V” word – I could do a whole monologue on this one but Grey’s Anatomy said it best – “Vuh-Jay-Jay”

The “W” word – As if illegal alien wasn’t a good enough slur this moist word hangs on them like a monkey. (Honorable mention – Edwin Starr’s, “What’s good for absolutely nothin’”) (Another honorable mention if spelled wrong – Don Imus’ basketball ladies)

The “X” word – It marks the spot but put together with a few other characters can be any ‘x$&#%’ curse you like!

The “Y” word – Sorry but nothing comes to mind except Fred Gwynne’s query to Joe Pesce. And a “Damn” baseball team from one of the boroughs of New York.

And finally the “Z” word – Surprisingly many allusions such as the mark of that Spanish swordsman or George Romero’s brain eaters.

Test: A Neanderthal type just said, ‘She’s an ‘F’ bomb ‘B word’ ‘L’ word!’
Aside from being an ‘A word,’ what did this ‘H word’ bound ‘P word’ try to say?

I’m “rotflmao” but that’s for another time.

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