Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Special Combos

It used to be you could go to a ballpark and have a chance to see a complete game by the pitcher. Those days ended with the advent of the "Specialist."

Specialists who are supposedly geared to do but one thing and do it well have taken over the game. Fans now scour the sports pages for a 7th inning pitcher who is good with a runner on second and a Lefty at bat with a slight breeze from right field! (Rosters may have to be increased.)

Unfortunately the stupidity of baseball did not end there and the so-called art of the specialist has become mainstream. We have security experts on cable news and entertainment only reporters who specialize in dirt etc. on many other networks.

While specialists do have their place in our world, one that has operating rooms comes to mind, they should not be in every nook and cranny of our lives.

So I would like to propose a marriage of sorts where we can have specialists double up. One person can then speak about many topics for which that person is an authority. We can also have certain necessary functions of our lives combined to save time and effort.

So in this spirit I hereby make the following proposals:

1. Combine airport scanners with mammograms and prostate screenings.
(All are pains and some find them an invasion of privacy. Now women can get a quick check up on their way to a safe vacation! And the doctor's fingers can be saved for other uses. All could be covered by a trip insurance policy.)

2. Combine certain news programs with church revivals.
(Some commentators who say they are newsmen seem to be doing this already so just bring it out of the closet as it were, right Hume?)

3. Combine Hockey and Boxing.
(Wait, never mind - they already do!)

4. Make all Senators and Congressmen wear Nascar type suits so their affiliations are clear.
(This way we don't have to wait for the voting to know what bills will or won't pass.)

5. Have all our tax dollars go directly to corporations.
(This cuts out the middle men of DC and ensures our economy will be safe for years to come.)

And finally:

6. Combine food products much like NASA did back in the days of Tang!
(My son and his friends recently had 'Terducken' for dinner. It's a chicken inside a duck surrounded by turkey! I would have had a side of Pepcid but...)

For the sake of time and space I will end here. Please feel free to add your own combos.


Anonymous said...

Dear Mugguy
I like #4 but you stole it from Robin Williams.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mugguy
I like #4 but you stole it from Robin Williams.

mug guy said...

Well me and Robin go way back. (I hope he doesn't read this.)