Monday, May 30, 2011

You Might Be a Republic:

I just entered a raffle to win a new Honda Civic & other prizes. But if I win the first prize includes a trip for 2 to Vegas where we will be subjected to a most boring few hours watching idiots race around a closed track going fast in vehicles wasting gas and polluting the environment, or as Republics know it - NASCAR.
How many drivers carried guns?
It made me think of the typical Republic voter and I decided to copy and paste a list showing those people's values. (Okay I stole it from the, "You might be redneck if" list but aren't they the same?)

You might be a Republic Party voter if:
1.You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2.You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
3.Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
4.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
5.You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6.You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
7.The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
8.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
9.You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11.Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12.Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
13.You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
14.You think a sub-division is part of a math problem.
15.You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
16.You've been involved in a custody battle over a hunting dog.
17.Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
18.You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
19.You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
20.You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
21.You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
22.You have a rag for a gas cap.
23.Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
24.Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
25.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
26.You can spit without opening your mouth.
27.You consider your license plate personalized because your Dad made it.
28.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand ( . . . or a bait shop).
29.You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
30.You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on them.
31.The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
32.Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
33.You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
34.You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
35.You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
36.Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
37.A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $10,000 worth of improvement.
38.You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
39.You've asked the preacher, "Hey, how's they hangin'?"
40.You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
41.You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph


train buddy said...

You better hope that none of your faithful followers are rednecks.

Cousin Bruce said...

I doubt any of my semi-faithful readers are rednecks - At least not the kind of whom the post speaks because you see - THEY CANNOT READ!
My all-time favorite one is not on the list -
You know you're a redneck if: