The More You Have The Less You Are!

In general it has been my observation that people with less give more of themselves to those in need than those who are well off.
Maybe they are sheltered from the reality of the day to day lives of billions of people who merely wish to live and enjoy their time upon this Earth without worrying that the next guy will steal everything they own.
The average person wants a leader to at least understand how much a quart of milk costs and how the rising cost of gasoline affects their lives.  The average mother or father wants their leaders to understand how important a good education for their children is and that they should not try to hinder that in any way.
And for the most part, without using the terrible word socialism, the average family wants to know that should they need help from their government it will be there for them and not vilify them for needing assistance!
But for some reason the more people make or have or, for that matter steal and hide, the less likely they are to give to the needy.  And that goes for individuals as well as government.
The mentality of these cretins starts to lean toward that of a miserly greedy selfish being who can think of only one thing, amassing a larger fortune and keeping it hidden from the tax man.
But don't think this phenomenon is just an American trait, although we seem to have some who have perfected it and even used it to get themselves in position to be elected President.
No, this is a human, or as some may argue a sub-human trait that transcends physical borders.
This week a tiny article surfaced that did not draw much attention in the States as it did not concern the upcoming election or a useless 'Page Six' celebrity.

What's a few million among friends?

The article is about the former Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi. 
This 76 year old billionaire - let me repeat that in a slightly different order of words - HE'S A BILLIONAIRE AND HE IS SEVENTY SIX YEARS OLD - was convicted and sentenced to 4 years in jail for the heinous yet rampant crime of TAX FRAUD!
One might ask which came first, the obscene fortune or the scheme to make it by cheating on his taxes.
I posit that it has to be a hybrid of the two but no one can argue that the two do not go hand in hand.
In America we have all kinds of proposals to help our economy and many include an arbitrary income of $250,000 above which taxes should be raised while leaving those with less alone to muddle through their daily lives unscathed.
In that spirit I ask what is the level of income, or theft, or hidden assets, above which one turns to a life of crime.
For surely tax evasion is a crime.
But that crime is multiplied ten fold when the criminal is a career politician and especially when that career criminal politician is running for President on a platform that hinges on his success in business!
This type of ploy is worthy of the highest Chutzpah award!
For those not familiar with the term it emanates from the case of the young man brought to court to face the charge of killing his parents.  He pleads with the judge, "Have mercy your honor, I'm an orphan!"
The wealthiest Americans are using a small, to them, portion of their wealth to keep or place the most friendly, wink wink say no more politicians into office.
These soon to be bought and paid for political puppets will continue to allow the wealthy owners of government free rein as they seek out more and more lucrative tax shelters and tax havens and tax friendly countries in which they can park their money far from the reach of the IRS.

The Bain Brain will prove a to be a drain
on society and the bane of every
American's existence!

One need only look at the "legal" way Mr. Willard Mitt Romney has amassed a fortune most humans can only dream of and yet pay a lower tax rate than the writer of this blog or 98% of America!
And the fact that he is close in the polls and could even win the Presidency without once setting forth an agenda for our future but constantly spewing lies about his past is enough to make any normal human sick.
When Italy has finally said enough and is throwing their long time criminal in jail please don't tell me that America is about to hand theirs the keys to the kingdom!!!

Suppression, It's Only Good in Cough Medicine.

I would like nothing better than having the entire world bow to my will.
To some degree the above egotistical wish is in all of us.
But the obvious truth is that will never happen no matter who we are or think we are.  And that is of course a good thing.
Throughout history many have tried it from Alexander the Great to the not so great would-be Alexanders of our time.

Should this be the face
of World domination?

All political or religious dictators want the same control over their environs and the degree to which they impose their will determines their fate as well as ours.
While typically the means by which these tyrants wield their power is physical force do not discount the use of mental anguish and fear of the other guy as an important factor.
And while World domination has become harder to even contemplate controlling one's own world, the sphere within which one lives, is still in play.
We see this tactic in use every day by the Fox network of right wing entertainment news media people as directed by their mogul, Rupert Murdoch. His agenda is and for quite some time has been domination of all he can get his fingers on or near.
We cannot turn a closed eye to the inherent dangers in allowing any one person or small cadre of people enough power to control every aspect of our lives.
The experiment that is America started with the idea that no one body of government should be allowed complete control without oversight and acceptance by two other bodies.  And even then rules and laws must pass inspection, the smell test if you will of our Supreme Court.
Sadly even that august body has become politicized in the wake of the increased polarization of our political system.

How could anyone hate and fear a
14 year old Pakistani girl so much
as to want her dead?

But we at least America has not yet devolved into the toilet of religious control as has happened in many Muslim countries.
While women in America are targeted by right wing politicians for unnecessary medical procedures to keep them in line and stop them from having a say in their own bodies at least we have not started to actively hunt them down and kill them.
This week in Pakistan a group of lower than low-life creatures even Neanderthals would be ashamed to be associated with who call themselves the Taliban boarded a school bus to seek out and shoot to kill 14 year old Malala Yousafzai whose crime was she desired an education.
The cowardly act of this religious political coalition of scum and the devil has made the world sit  up and take note, for at least the current news cycle.
Malala defied the odds and lived through the heinous act but both she and her father remain under death threats from the Taliban.
They are so afraid of allowing humans an education because they rightfully fear that knowledge will prove them unworthy of life on this Earth.
But they may have actually taught  larger lesson than the ones they have attempted to suppress.
It is too early to predict the outcome of this disgusting episode but already young girls around the world are declaring themselves to be Malala!
Not nearly as graphic but almost as desperate are the tactics being used by business owners in America basically threatening their employees with their jobs if they do not support the boss' candidate in the upcoming elections.
Demanding money or unpaid time off to make mandatory appearances at fund raisers for candidates NOT OF THEIR CHOICE is tantamount to suppression of ideas and ideals.
The use of fear of loss of income to turn someone's opinion is reprehensible and un-American.
But this IS America and therefore the act, considered to be free speech is protected under our enlightened law.
But do not mistake legal for moral.
Charles Dickens once famously stated in "Oliver Twist" that, "The Law is a ass!"
And the suppression movement of the right wing sector of the Republican Party has not stopped with company-wide threats.  They have actively sought out to destroy labor unions and other Democratic leaning voter groups.  And in case that failed they have attempted to stop obvious Democratic voters from even being allowed to cast their ballots.
They claim they are trying to stop voter fraud, a noble cause indeed.

Forget 200 million voters
I love Jeb & I want his
baby brother to be
President

But to date the only party that has successfully utilized voter fraud to steal elections has been the Republican Party most notably when George Bush was anointed king of the White House not by hundreds of millions of votes but by a 5 to 4 decision from a friendly Supreme Court as requested by one individual, Florida's State Attorney General Katherine Harris.

Anytime someone tries to stop someone else from expressing themselves; or bettering themselves as in getting an education; or from listening other view points be they supporting their own opinions or opposing them; or merely by voting as they themselves wish IT IS WRONG!
Suppression must be called out and reported every time it is used or attempted.
It must be declared as evil and un-American or America as we know it will cease to exist.

Ads Don't Always Add Up

Is anyone naive enough to believe that there is or ever was "Truth in Advertising?"

Alice in Wonderland
was fiction you know.

I mean seriously, if ads told the truth about their products the companies that produce the stuff would go the way of the dodo.

(That's an extinct bird that was driven out of existence due to forces beyond the comprehension of any true Republican out there called evolution.)

But since advertisements do still exist we must therefore conclude that they mostly lie!

How many of you have bought cars expecting to get a nice fuel efficient high MPG only to find out the only way to get it would be to have your car towed everywhere!

I could probably have my longest post of all time if I decided to list every product whose attributes are shall we say exaggerated but for the sake of forced brevity I hereby list only a few for your edification and amusement.

Let's start wit an annoying product that you almost have to know will not be as easy to put together as you are told in the ads.

I am speaking of those Easy Closets.  Their ads show average everyday families, some old some young talking about how great and easy the closet installation was.

Why not show what
really happens?

What they don’t show is the part between the designing and the implementation.

On the internet you let your fingers do the walking.  Then you complete the 'easy' project in your home.

Of course you should make sure your health care premiums have been paid and your loved ones know where the nearest ER is located.

Your first few task are getting the HEAVY materials up the stairs, opening the crates, running down to the basement to get the necessary tools to complete the EZ installation and then going back down to get the ones you will REALLY need to complete the installation. Face it the closets are generally for bedrooms which are generally on the second floor of homes.

And once you’ve removed all the items from the boxes you take out the instructions praying they are in English. And I mean understandable English, not the slightly racist rendition known as Chinglish.

Because face it folks America hardly produces anything anymore except billionaires who ship what jobs they can overseas and get paid to do so.  Isn't that right Willard Mitt?  (OR will he admit?)

Oh and by the way, don’t forget the extension cord for your electric drill or screw driver since not too many closets have outlets.

Let’s face it, the product may be the best thing since chocolate but it is certainly not as easy as rolling off a log. They should at least be forced to have a disclaimer as to that fact just like the one drug companies are forced to add.

Uh oh, anyone seen
the toilet paper?

And speaking of drug companies I equate what they leave out of the easy closet promo in their television ads with what is left out of Ex-Lax commercials. You have stomach cramps and take the product and then don’t have stomach cramps. So what transpired in between?

Please no turbulence!

Then there’s that unbelievably annoying moron who floats down the aisle of an airplane touting some fiber concoction specially formulated to help you relieve your insides of nasty bloating stuff? Yeah lady, just what I want to do on an enclosed speeding bullet in the clouds, run and use the coffin-sized vertical tomb known politely as the lavatory, which is invariably occupied when I need it most!

I feel lust-less, anyone
have some testosterone?

And that brings me to the next new ad that can drive you nuts, a drug that can help men who have that brand new made up disease or ailment known, by the marketers and now everyone, as Low T. I first assumed it was the opposite of that delightful afternoon snack so popular in England.

Low T, as the fake concerned voice-over tells us can cause a guy to feel listless or lust less or whatever and make him drag his butt around not wanting to do anything. I always thought a cheap over the counter cure for that was a cup of coffee but I guess I was wrong.

One side thought, if we were to have a program dedicated just to the disclaimers at the end of all drug commercials it would probably have to be a mini-series. Some of the ad contents are 20% talking about the drug and 80% disclaimer warning of its use. And these disclaimers include such inconsequential side effects such as loss of vision; abdominal pain; and death! Yeah, I sure want to take a drug to cure my Low T and put me in a Low 6’ hole!

British P - The gift that
keeps on giving!

And speaking of a deep hole we come to my last, for now favorite ad series on television, the one touting how wonderful BP is for cleaning up the God damned mess they created when their poorly regulated and negligently run oil rig exploded killing many humans, animals and futures.

And he wants HIS life back?
Justice? No jail time but a
bonus and a cushy job.

It’s nice that we have wonderful music and sun filled views of the idyllic gulf coast gracing the screen while a voice over tells of BPs commitment to making the area safe for all.

Has even one corporate person been sent to jail over the murders? Has BP truly paid their debt to society? Does anyone really think they ever will?

Okay I get it, we the people do not have the clout to come after you in court and you will escape scot free to continue raping and pillaging the Earth but do you really have to rub our noses in your glory?

He never knew what hit him!

They say what goes around comes around. Well I’d like to lock the entire board of BP into a newly finished ‘Easy Closet’ then feed them a year’s supply of that Low T drug and some ex-lax while spilling in barrels of refinery oil to see how they enjoy themselves. I have a feeling they might react the same way the former fish and wildlife did.

I'll Respect You in the Morning

Those of you old enough to remember the Robert Klein routine hinted at in the title will understand that there are many things people say that are clearly not true.

And the people who say them know they are lying but they rely on the naivete of the people to whom they are speaking to get away with, well whatever.

So in the spirit of that restless legged stand-up old timer I hereby submit:

Things Americans seem to accept without question that are inherently unfair and clearly untrue:

1 - Paying insurance companies tremendously high premiums for coverage is needed to ensure that I am covered for all illnesses.
       The coverage we pay so dearly for does not kick in until an equally unfair deductible is met and a Co-Pay is given at time of service.

We seem to allow without thinking that we should be giving money away with no true belief it will ever be used for our well being to large corporations who in turn wish to make that feeling a reality by hiring intelligent people to find loopholes in their own policies or write them in in the first place.

Just what exactly is a deductible or a co-pay or a co-insurance?

Simply put they are inherent future revenue streams that insurance companies bank on should a policy holder have the nerve to try to access the fruits of their policy.

Voting for a politician because he or she states they will stick up for your rights and because their beliefs most closely resemble yours on a majority of issues will ensure you have a friend in government.

     And then re-electing them when they prove to have lied because you believe their promise that they will do so this time!

By nature we have been a forgiving society and somewhat naïve when it comes to questioning authority or those in power.
We are not comprised of a mentality rampant in so-called third world countries where the people not only think their leaders are corrupt but they know for a fact they are!
Sadly those people cannot have ‘Occupy’ movements, or at least have then and survive to talk about them.

Luckily we have freedoms written into our constitution that protect our rights to congregate and dissent and do so openly, at least for now.

But as we continue to elect politicians who are of the ‘in name only’ variety we move closer to a police state where elections are a mere formality and a small few control and rule the country.

We already have a tiny percentage of citizens controlling the conversation who have successfully moved all the playing fields to the right and beyond.

How else could a civilized nation be talking seriously about turning a once free woman’s uterus into a crime scene?
These same small minded individuals stir up unreal fears and campaign to outlaw Sharia Law in America while trying to push women toward the path of wearing Birkas.

With regulations being proposed and even placed on ballots for supposedly religious people to vote on that will vilify a pregnant woman who has a miscarriage and possibly send her to prison we are heading not only down a dangerous path but back to the dark ages.

We have the best health care system in the world and changing it would lead to socialism.  This is true because we are told that by a great many of our leaders and some television personalities.

     Seriously?

With so many of our citizens simply dying due to limited access to health care how can anyone say something as blatantly false as that, let alone believe it?

When people propagate lies they must either be doing so for personal gain or an increased level of power over their world.  Or maybe they are just plain evil.

Evil does exist and in a truly intelligent futuristic world that kind of evil would be considered a mental disease to be treated with the best level of care the society could muster.

Unfortunately in our world that type of person is not considered diseased but rather the leader of a sect as in the Westboro Baptist so-called Church.

A person by virtue of his or her standing on the ladder of celebrity should be considered intelligent and all knowing as befits the level above others on that ladder.

     We see and hear hate filled speeches coming from polarizing figures on the radio or the web or any broadcasting medium attempting to pinpoint the cause of all our problems and point their despicable fingers in that direction.
One named Rush or former good actor named Mel come to mind, although using the word mind in connection with these two seems far fetched.

And in a true ‘Physician heal thyself’ way those people are generally the worst offenders.

We have a majority rule political system in America that is the best and most envied system currently in use in the world.

     Those are great patriotic words and were they accurate we would truly be the envy of the world.  But sadly the words are a mere smoke screen obscuring reality.

This one is actually easy to disprove by looking at Congress and noting that once the Republican Party became the minority in Congress they stopped allowing anything to get done. They did so by utilizing the childish tactic of covering their ears and humming so they couldn’t even hear the majority.

And since they won the House of Representatives by using that tactic they felt emboldened to continue using it until they had removed any semblance of fairness from DC.

To wit: There are 100 elected officials in the Senate and as anyone familiar with first grade math will tell you that means 51 votes on any issue would constitute a majority; but not in America and not now. Counter intuitively in order to get something through that body of planned inaction you must receive 60 votes or more!

When Americans speak to foreigners who do not understand our language if we say the words louder they will finally get it!

     Do I really have to explain this one away?

While waiting for a tardy elevator pressing the button with increased rapidity will cause the cabin to arrive sooner.

     As with the one above, seriously?

The Earth is approximately 6,000 years old.

     Right, and I just celebrated my 1 month birthday!

With rocks found all over the planet that have been shown to be at least a million years old can people really believe this ridiculous notion?
Do they dress themselves in the morning?

Can they really have graduated from one of our schools?
If so I need the names of those institutions to make sure they are removed from any accreditation system and certainly from getting any federal funding. They are obviously theologically rooted and must be called churches!

As long as big business is regulated we are safe from any fraud or from any harmful products hitting our shelves.

     If regulations were all we needed then we wouldn’t need police or agencies such as the FDA.

Businesses have long played the role of cheese lover in the cat and mouse game of regulations. Agencies are constantly trying to build better mouse traps to no avail.

As one of the executives at Gerber once said when asked if they should pull an awful tasting baby food from the shelf, "Who's gonna complain?"

As long as we have fraud minded greedy wealthy CEOs and board members who want to be greedy wealthy CEOs we will never be able to have a big enough mouse trap.

And even when caught these immoral law breakers weasel their way out of any convictions by bribing those in power to look the other way at best or bail them out at worst!

Bernie Madoff is an exception but don’t think there aren't tons of others waiting and watching in the wings trying to learn where he went wrong so that they can perfect the scheme.

When companies or corporations are found to be breaking the law and convicted of doing so in a court of law the fines levied against them will be paid and the bad behavior will cease. After all that’s the law.

     And Santa will bring joy to the world all year round!

Remember the movie about Erin Brockovich entitled surprisingly, “Erin Brockovich?” The movie chronicles her struggles to bring PG&E to justice for dumping carcinogens into the Earth thus polluting it and threatening the lives and livelihoods of thousands of innocent Americans.

The movie is from 2000 and therefore concerns the illegal acts of that corporation from earlier times.

It should surprise no one that after being found guilty of performing that anti-human dangerous dumping act they have yet to pay a fine or be totally brought to justice and the plume of carcinogenic liquid is spreading and ruining more lives and killing more people.

Rather than clean up the area and thus save lives these bastards have spent nearly a billion dollars to forestall any further legal action!
Rather than do the right thing that would have ultimately cost less and made them look good in the eyes of the public they chose to appeal!

In the corporate world it is all about winning no matter the cost, and if a few or a million lives are lost along they way, well fortunes of war. After all, they had a choice of where to live, nobody forced them to buy homes over our current and future dump sites!

We are too trusting of authority and either that or our definition of authority must change. Until that time we are all going to be treated as naïve fools only to be led to our slaughter after we cast our vote for the wrong candidates every November.

Stop accepting – start learning – Become involved. You’ll ultimately be glad that you did.

Gift Cards - Gifts to the Card Issuer!

Suppose you want to buy something.  You hand the correct amount of money over to the seller and you take your item.

Suppose you but something on an installment plan.  You hand a portion of the required amount of money and the item is held for you until your final payment.

Now suppose you buy a gift for someone you like.  You pay for the item and take it and wrap it and watch the happy, hopefully recipient open the package.

Finally suppose the gift you bought for your friend was a gift card.  You pay for the item and the store behind the card gets the money immediately but still has the item or items in stock.  The store has lost nothing but they get to keep your money until your gift is redeemed.

In this last scenario it appears to be a rare win-win-win situation.  Unfortunately appearances can be deceiving.

For a long time companies were selling gift cards with varying amounts encoded into them and quietly waiting for the hidden fees to take over.  These fees could range from a dollar charge for inactivity to a full loss of value due to an arbitrary expiration date.

When was the last time you noticed an expiration date on cash?  Oh yeah, Confederate money after the Civil War!

Enter the U S Government, or at least most of the Democratic side thereof.

The fraudulent practices of the gift card issuing companies were scrutinized and regulations proposed to stem the tide and protect the consumer.

Naturally the companies cried ‘Caveat Emptor’ and said if the customer is too stupid to read the fine print, F ’em.

The rules started to go into effect last month.  Unfortunately a couple of provisions were held off until the end of January next year as the gift card industry claimed they didn’t have enough time to make sure implementation could be done in a fair and inclusive manner.  One must assume they added, “wink – wink – say no more, say no more” after that last statement.

One of the delayed protections is the requirement that all cards have the small print right on the card that clearly states any fees and expiration dates.  These warnings will alert the consumer to potential loss of value and allow them to use the money the company has been quietly sitting with and collecting interest on for way too long.

Small sample of the
prolific gift cards
available for you

Of course now that some of the seedy ways these companies have made money on the public’s stupidity have been stopped they are hard at work devising more fees and rules in an effort to regain the loss.

There is no way to stop the gift card industry from proliferating as businesses are now issuing them in lieu of cash rebates.  But in this case it is truly caveat emptor as these cards are not covered by consumer protection laws.

So what’s a person to do?

How can you get around this latest attempt to silently defraud you?

The solution is simple but most people don’t wish to hear it or follow it for that matter.

Just say no!

Don’t buy a gift card!

I realize how easy it is to hand over a piece of plastic and put the onus of buying a physical gift on the receiver but you must understand that you are also causing stress and your gift may end up a far lesser value than intended.

If you really like the person you are buying something for get the gift at a store in which you know they shop.  Then in the off chance they don’t like it or need it they can return it at a later date.

The actual item purchased will show you gave some thought to your gift and they will sincerely thank you for thinking of them.

Of course if you really don’t like them…

Taken for a Ride

When a passenger enters onto a Long Island Railroad (LIRR) car he is tacitly agreeing to pay for the service he is about to receive.  If he cannot offer a ticket upon request by the conductor he could be subject to fine and imprisonment for theft of services.

Photo credit: Newsday File, Alejandra Villa
MTA workers work on LIRR equipment
at the Hillside facility. (March 11, 2010)

The union members who have been gaming a system they helped break by claiming and accepting overtime when none was warranted or documented are also stealing.  Their supervisors who at the very least have been looking the other way aided and abetted the crime.

These workers are as guilty of theft as are the un-ticketed passengers and should be subject to the same legal scrutiny and possible prosecution.

According to an audit of the MTA & LIRR as reported by Newsday nearly 3,300 employees took overtime pay that equaled more than half their yearly salaries!

Making an assumption that one of those average workers was making $80,000 per year (believe it or not a conservative estimate) that would amount to a minimum of $264,000,000 paid out in excessive overtime payments!  The LIRR is claiming as justification to raise fares and lower services a shortfall in the amount of $900 million!  I believe we just found a huge chunk of that shortfall.

And note the theoretical amount of $264 million that was basically stolen from the pockets of Long Islanders is comprised of only those workers whose overtime claims were more than 50% of their yearly salary.  It must be assumed that if all the overtime over-payments were added up the amount would be far greater and possibly enough to forego many of the service cuts or fare increases.

A further investigation found that 77% of the overtime allowed for payment was undocumented and should not have been claimed!

To those who may point out that there is a contract that allows for overtime and it was fairly negotiated between the unions and management I submit that fraud trumps contracts.  And we have precedent for an argument that questions, “what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is!”

If further investigation reveals that the smoke is indeed fraud prosecution must be sought.

At a time when so many American workers are being forced to accept 10% salary cuts or join the millions on unemployment and the entire economy is struggling to stay away from the abyss it must be comforting to know that a large chunk of workers in New York are going to be receiving automatic yearly raises in the amount of 4%.

The bottom line is as a result of these findings each and every overtime payment that has been made must be scrutinized.  If it is determined that the overtime was unwarranted or faked the worker must return the amount and face whatever further legal penalties our system decides!  The supervisor who allowed the irregularity must answer for his part in the alleged crime as well.

We pay to keep the MTA and LIRR running not only with our ticket purchases but with our taxes.  We are therefore entitled to know exactly where our money is being spent or thrown away.  And if the accounting shows irregularities those responsible must pay!

The State and Local governments owe that to those of us who have not yet left Long Island but may be forced to do so shortly.

Your Future has Derived

Job Opportunity

Title:                 Financial Genius

Experience:    Not much

Desire:             To make obscene amounts of money

Where:             Your home office or our place

Duties:             Invent next Wall St. gobbledygook derivative
When:             The sooner the better

Ethics:             Seriously?

If you have a great idea on how to transfer massive amounts of money from poor (at least they soon will be) individual investors into an account of your choosing and need a firm to cover your actions please contact us at…

The above memo did not actually go out, yet.  But that's only because the current financial environment for fraud is sadly toxic and under review.  However' current' has a way of becoming 'quaint' when seen from the future and in our 24 hour news cycle the future could be as soon as next week.

The memo is reminiscent of bumper sticker on the backs of some trucks on the road today.  The drivers who appear not to care about other vehicles on the highway display the following message with pride - “If you don’t like the way I drive please call 1-800-EAT SHIT.”

The wonderful people in the banking and investment industry seem to be licking their wounds but are actually raking in the profits.  And just like the boys from Enron who were nicknamed, "the smartest guys in the room" these bankers are incredibly shrewd.  Goldman Sachs is under investigation for, uh for, um, well we have no idea exactly what they were doing except we believe it was a fraud of some kind.  We’ll get back to you on that.

The alleged fraud (I use that term thanks to years of watching, ‘Law and Order’) centers around the practice of trading in ‘derivatives’ in order to basically gamble with other people’s money while not risking a penny of your own.

So just what is a derivative?

It shouldn’t be that hard to figure out, right?

The word has only ten letters and is derived (sorry about that) from the word derive so I deduce I could arrive at an easy to understand definition.

I deduce wrongly!

According to Webster’s a derivative is something that is derived from something else.  Don’t you just love dictionaries?  Aside from having to know how to spell something before you can look it up to see how to spell it many of the definitions therein derive their explanations from a different form of the original word in question!

But I digress.

In fact I remember something I learned last century in high school math that may make it easier to figure out derivatives.

One of the subjects I enjoyed in a nerd sort of way back then was trigonometry.  During that class I learned about sine and cosine and tangents.  These were the so called Trig derivatives and although they were not the simplest of ratios to understand a small amount of studying made their meanings clear.

In all fairness and to the best of my knowledge I have never used trig derivatives in my life since getting out of that class but there is still time, I hope.

And as amusing as it may be to realize that trigonometry is a study of the use of angles big financial gurus did not use it to game the system and scam billions of our dollars so we must keep looking.

Investing 101 tells us that the easiest derivative to understand is also one of the oldest on the books, options trading.  Simply put buying an option on a stock gives you the right to either buy or sell that stock at a set price some time in the future.  The value of the option is derived from the difference between that future price, known as the strike price and the current price of the stock.

For example, suppose the price of Company “A” is $100 per share and you feel the price is going to go up.  Now suppose you don’t wish to spend $100 to buy shares of “A.”  You could instead buy a ‘call’ option for as little as $1.  The price of the ‘call’ is derived from the price of the stock but is obviously much less costly.

If the stock goes from $100 to $110 within a month you would make far more money, percentage-wise than if you had bought the stock itself.  The downside is the stock does not go up and you lose your entire investment.  Then all you have is a capital loss and a tax 'write-off' to show for your efforts.

(As always past performance is not an indicator of future value and you should consult your broker or financial advisor professional for more details. Invest with your head, not over it.)

But just about everyone who invests in or follows Wall St. knows about the options market.  This means the riff-raff gets to play in the game with the big boys.  The big boys don’t like that so they created a derivative on the derivative.  And as soon as the public figured that one out the biggies went one step further.

And they kept going until they were so far off base they had no way of getting home.  Even some of these geniuses don't understand what the hell they are doing anymore and forget to cover their tracks.  And that's when they get in trouble.

If you think something is going to happen but you're not sure what then you hedge your bet.  On Wall St. ‘Hedge Funds’ are derived from that uncertainty.  Managers of those derivatives constantly move money around to build a fortune for themselves and their investors based solely on smoke and mirrors and the fears of the little guy.

Our desire to get ahead without actually earning it or producing a value to society is rampant in America and it has been fueled by the success of the nouveau riche billionaires on Wall Street.  Mention the term ‘Hedge Fund’ to most Americans and you may have to duck and cover.

A hedge fund can earn billions betting that you and your neighbors will lose your homes because you cannot cover your mortgages.  Sadly in some perverse way the manager may have caused the environment that created the downturn in the economy that made the bank call in your loan but hey, all’s fair in love, war and finance.

The fact is big time investors derive pleasure and fortune gambling in the public sector while keeping their machinations private.  And unless and until our Politicians stop protecting them and bailing them out and start regulating the industry this practice will flourish.

But until then:
 
Opportunity is knocking!
Will you be the one to answer the call? 
Do you have what it takes to make someone else’s dream yours? 
Do you think hedges have nothing to do with bushes but can still deliver the green; 
Can you dazzle with your footwork
AND Baffle with your bullshit
WITHOUT Batting an eyelash
OR Breaking a sweat?

Then you too can be a billionaire before breakfast. 
Just come up with the next legal-like scam. 
Learn the latest loophole. 
Let us show you how to fly under the radar in your underwear and you’ll never get caught with your pants down again.

(Not a member of FDIC or SIPC)