THIS JUST IN!

Breaking News on the Sports Front:

In a surprise move today the New York Mets announced they will be unloading their star pitcher Matt Harvey to the Yankees in exchange for 5 draft choices, a player to be named later and $17.50 to cover their subway fare.
While full details are not yet available this reporter has learned that the player to be named later is in fact just that as he is not yet born!
However the team is confident he will grow into a fine player and become an integral part of the organization as the Yankees insist he will be from good stock.
The surrogate mom will be impregnated later this year in a private ceremony attended only by close family members and a group from Shake Shack.
Fred Wilpon, NY Met owner and long time friend of Bernie Madoff had been hoping to acquire the rights to Lou Gherig until someone pointed out the former Yankee great had passed away several years ago.
This utterance caused Hal Steinbrenner to storm out of the room muttering that some people should "keep their God damn #*@$& mouths shut!"
Met ownership used the break in talks to sign a different first baseman to a 5 year deal.
Jeff Wilpon was not completely convinced his father had made the right move but he admitted he felt inclined to defer to the experience of age.
"My dad assures me Marvelous Marv Throneberry will be a great asset to the team."
Although they had wanted the former Met to take over for slugging star Ike Davis at 1st base Mr. Throneberry insisted that he was a touch old for that and the team would be far better served if he used as adviser and coach for the youngsters on the team.
Said Fred Wilpon, "With his guidance we are certain the New York Mets can return to the glory days of 1962 and '63."
For those of you too young to remember Marv Throneberry let me set the record straight on a bit of unfair publicity.
As the story goes Marv was so bad that after striking out he got angry, threw his bat down, and missed the ground.
The story is an insult and as false as it is ridiculous. He never threw his bat!
It was his helmet!
After learning who their crosstown rivals had signed the Yankee contingent returned with huge grins and renewed expectations of finishing a great trade.
"I think we can now get this steal, I mean deal, deal done," said young Mr. Steinbrenner fighting back tears of laughter.
A few minutes later the proud Wilpon family emerged from the locked room holding up a signed agreement between the two organizations.
"Some of you have asked why we made this deal.  Well all I can say is we have seen what our team does with so-called stars like (Jose) Reyes, (R A) Dickey and (Nolan) Ryan in the past and we do not wish to keep making the same mistake over and over expecting great things.  That's the definition of stupid you know!  So today we have made a giant step toward fielding a team of 'no names' who will want desperately to succeed as though they were exceptional.
This should make the team far more interesting while endearing ourselves to our loyal fan base.  These fans need to feel good about themselves and what better way to help them do that than fielding a team that they are actually better than?"
Asked about the future of his current star 3rd baseman Mr. Wilpon added, "We signed David (Wright) to a long term contract and until we can find a team willing to take him off our hands we're stuck with him.  Next question?"
Silence ensued and there were no next questions as reporters were stunned by the response and the meeting ended.

Baseball Puzzles

What is the highest number of strikeouts a pitcher can record in an inning without allowing a run?    SIX – He strikes out the first batter but a passed ball allows the batter to reach first.  That runner steals second and the same strike out scenario happens with batter number two.  The runners advance on wild pitch and the third batter is struck out but reaches first safely when the catcher flubs the pitch up the third base line.  The ball doesn't go far enough away for the other runners to advance.  The pitcher then strikes out the next 3 batters without mishap.  (The catcher is then taken out and traded or shot.)

Can a pitcher both win and lose the same game? (He does not necessarily have to be a Met.)   Yes with a trade involved and a suspended game.  Pitcher A leaves the game after the fifth inning behind by three runs.  He is traded to current opponent during the suspension.  The game resumes at a later date and pitcher B on his new team who pitched to only one batter before his team took the lead is replaced by the newly acquired pitcher ‘A.’  'A' pitches 4 perfect innings to close out the game.  The official scorer is allowed to award pitcher A the win since he pitched the lion’s share of the game and the starter who did not finish five innings could not enter into the decision.

Can a pitcher be awarded both a win and a save in the same game?     Yes – He pitches into the sixth inning with a large lead and is moved to left field by the manager hoping to save his arm for future use.  But his relief pitcher gives up too many runs and makes the game too close for comfort.  The manager brings the starter back from the outfield to close the one run game out in the ninth thus earning the save.

How many assists can an outfielder record in one inning?  Six – He records three in the top of the inning and then is traded to the opposing team during a rain delay caused suspension of game.  The game is finished at a later date where he again records 3 assists in the bottom of the inning.

How many “caught stealing” can a base runner have in an inning where his team scores only one run?      Three.  He is caught at second base but an error allows him safe passage.   The he is picked off second but is able to arrive safely at third on another errant throw.  The day-dreaming runner is then picked off again but scores on a third error.

Now a question:

If a pitcher is able to pitch both as a righty and a lefty is he allowed to do so during one at bat?  For example if a right handed relief pitcher is brought in to face a right handed batter and the manager of the hitting team puts in a pinch hitting lefty the rules state that the pitcher must pitch to that one batter without being replaced.  But suppose the pitcher merely switches gloves and tosses as a lefty?    I have no answer.

I just thought I’d throw it out there and see if someone could field it for me.

And finally:

How many years can a general manager, manager, and coaching staff of a team stay employed while making stupid move after stupid move?  I’ll let you know since the Mets have yet to make any changes.

Closer with a K

ALERT: This post is about baseball and more specifically the other team from New York aka the Mets.
An alternate title is, "INSANITY, THY NAME IS METS.

Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.  If any team in sports can be shown to espouse this action it must be the team from Flushing New York.  And their location is apropos because what they do year after year is flush their chances at post season play down the toilet.
It all started many years ago when someone had the brilliant idea of making more money for less work by calling himself a "Specialist."  This arrogant group of somewhat underachieving part time athletes convinced the hierarchy of base ball to pay them more cash to do less work but in a more stressful part of the game.
That simple act of egoism has morphed into today's set of players who cannot hold a candle to the early Hall of Fame multi-tasking wonders of that field of dreams.
We the fans are now subjected to the insanity of the manager replacing a starting pitcher with the sixth inning specialist who sets up the game for the seventh inning one.  That pitcher leaves the game in favor of the eighth inning guy, also known as the set up man who in turn leaves the pitching mound to, wait for it - The Closer!
Once a closer hits the mound all other moves are done unless other forces come into play such as the inning ending in a tie.
Now returning to the insane team at the heart of this post we can look back in history to view a succession of 'closers' who have ruined the team by their mere existence.  Such wondrous names as Armando Benitez who may have been good before coming to Flushing but never showed his brilliance in the teams 'Blue & Orange.'
Armando did however symbolically embody the insanity of Met management and foretell their lack of success.  You see if he was the pitcher trying to defend a two run lead and had just walked the bases loaded the manager knew that he could not visit the mound for fear of getting the guy nervous.  If he did that all hope would be lost.  (I am not making that up - check it out for yourself if you are interested.)
As a result when Benitez, or any of the teams illustrious closers was handed the ball all the other pitchers and utility players for that matter could hit the showers.  The game would indeed be closed out after his appearance on the mound; mostly by losses.
And that brings us to the current holder of the title of closer, Francisco Rodriguez affectionately known as K-Rod (mostly by the other teams who cannot wait to get him into the game.)
One game ago this closer was trying to lose the game in the ninth by allowing runs, hits and walks.  This pretender was one pitch away from loading the bases and blowing another game when he was rescued by a rookie.
Playing shortstop, 20 year old Ruben Tejada called for a 'pick-off' play at second base.  He silently signaled to the pitcher his intent to sneak in behind the runner to take the throw from the mound.  Luckily K-Rod was able to find second base and while blocking the base with his foot Tejada tagged out the guy to end the game.
It is sad that K-Rod was given a 'save' for the efforts of the rookie when clearly the game would have been lost otherwise.
So the very next game with his team once again holding a smallish lead the management decree of bring in the closer (aka send in the clowns) is enacted and the rest is history.  He loaded the bases and gave up hits and enough runs to close out the game on the losing side
The fans of this snake bitten team will soon come to call this latest in the string of specialists of the ninth K RUD or K Loser.
But facts are facts and as long as any pitcher on this team is considered the closer he will be placed in the situation of holding a lead in the ninth inning.  Anywhere from nine to nineteen athletes worked hard to get into that inning with more runs than their opponent.  Now they sit and watch as a semi-athlete literally throws away their efforts.
We cannot blame the current manager, as dumb as we may think him to be because as long as there are closers Met management will say they MUST be used.  And every manager the team has ever had follows this edict.
I offer a simple fix to the problem:
If the current pitcher has not thrown a tremendously large number of pitches and is not dead or injured and has gotten the last batter he faced out then he is rewarded by allowing him to face another batter even if that batter is the first batter in the ninth inning!
If he gets that batter out then he faces the next batter.
He is replaced if he allows a base runner and you feel, truly feel that another pitcher would be better, no matter what that pitchers nickname is.
The act of constantly bringing in a 'closer' (who has proven himself to do just that, close out the game no matter which team wins) and expecting him to hold the lead merely by virtue of his title is by definition insanity.

I Regret that I have But One * For My Country

The asterisk has often been used throughout history but not always in an intelligent way.
As a child I remember the bastardization of Nathan Hale's one life speech as noted in the title above.
An asterisk anywhere in a book or publication generally directs our attention to the bottom of the page upon which it appears.  The explanation thereby given is thus known as a footnote.
This week another footnote should be added to that most imperfect game of Baseball.
One of the supposedly better umpires of the game, or as some might say less bad, made an obviously wrong call.
There is nothing new about umpires making bad calls in fact there are probably a few made every single game.  But this one changed history.  It took a perfect game away from the pitcher and turned it into what will soon become the most famous one hitter ever.
When a bad call happens in the third inning or the fifth inning it is bad but once the game proceeds thee is nothing that can be done to change things back.  But when it is made with two outs in the ninth inning of a perfect game, well that's really *#%*.
First base umpire Jim Joyce admitted after the game that perfect game candidate Armando Galarraga had the ball in his glove and his foot on the bag before the runner touched the base.  
That simple fact means that the game is over and the celebration begins.  Three straight outs in the ninth to be added to the twenty four consecutive outs in the previous eight innings is perfection.
But baseball is not perfect nor are the humans who play it or the umpires who control it!
Jim Joyce apologized after the game and hugged Armando but unfortunately while nice it is not enough.
So unless commissioner Bud Selig goes against tradition and opens up the can of worms that would be an overturn of the clearly wrong 'safe' call Mr. Gallaraga will have to live with the knowledge that he threw a perfect one hitter.
Of course there is also the fact that another more historic perfect game was tainted by a bad call for the final out and there was no replay to overturn that one.
Don Larsen's 27 outer in the World Series ended on a third strike call of a clearly outside pitch.  Babe Pinelli, the umpire who was later seen crying over his error claimed that it was close enough for the batter to have tried to hit it!  Personally I am happy it was not overturned - I have the scorecard and ticket stub to that game! :-)
A good umpire should be unbiased, fair and as accurate as humanly possible but not clairvoyant.
However when clearly visible mistakes are made that we can prove with replay technology and they do not interfere with the game, too much we should correct them.  We do that for home runs down the line, why not for game ending close plays of historic magnitude?
Mr. Commish how about dusting off the old Roger Maris asterisk?  And this time do it before the recipient of the correction passes away! (Gallaraga is only 28 so you have time.)
Place this perfect game in the record books and give the man his due! You'll also be taking Mr. Joyce off the hook.
Baseball's record breaking third perfect game in one year was pitched by Armando Gallaraga of the Detroit Tigers when he notched 27 consecutive outs from the start of the game against the Cleveland Indians. *


* The last out was originally called safe by first base umpire Jim Joyce but overturned later by everyone with eyesight.

Baseball Quickie

Baseball finally joined the ranks of the modern world today as it finally started using instant replay in an albeit very limited way to determine whether or not a home run is indeed a home run or merely a foul ball.
And in a fitting and incredibly ironic way the team that has benefitted unbelievably by not having replays in the past was involved in it's first ever decision. That's right the Bronx Bastards AKA Yankees to those of you who for some reason still insist on rooting for them watched the umpires confirm that a ball hit by the current third baseman for the team was a home run.
You may recall the other home / not home runs in the past that all involved this same team and how all the rulings went in their favor and all those rulings were proven wrong by the then unused replay cameras.
One can only hope the pendulum will eventually swing the other way.
Irony lives in the Bronx

Mets Need Pray to Testacles (God of all Ball Sports)

(It's pronounced 'TEST ah klees')

In the beginning there were the Dodgers
And they were bums but the fans liked them
And Testacles knew it was good
And they played like bums almost always losing in the end
But still the fans came and it was good.
And then the Dodgers started to get better
And Testacles was pleased and it was all good
But then California beckoned and the Dodgers deserted
And O'Malley said it was good but it was not.
And the Giants followed and it was definitely not good
But into the void Testacles declared there would be a new team
And he made this team out of the ribs of other teams
They were cast offs, has beens, and never was-es
And the fans saw that they were bad but it was good
And lo they were so bad they did not win for fourteen games
And when finally they did win they won it all
And they were called the Amazins
And Testacles was pleased once again and it was good
But the fans became fickle and demanding
Suddenly it was bad and that was not good
And the Amazins stopped amazing anyone
And the fans said free Willie and fire him
And their impatience angered Testacles
So he hardened the hearts of management
And he blinded their eyes to common decency
And he caused them to sneak into the night to perform their deed
And so it came to pass that Willie was fired
But it was done badly and that was not good
And fans were not happy
And so they now pray to Testacles
"Please save our season and make it good."
And Testacles thought about it.
And he said, "I'll get back to you."
And that is all one can ask and that is good.

We Need Replays Not Corrupt Umpires

Hi, my name is Bruce and I am a met fan.
"Hi Bruce."
I have been a fan for 47 years. I have lived through some bad times and some more bad times. I have seen a few years of good times but mostly it has been a bad ride. Still throughout it all I remain a fan. But for some reason baseball and New York in particular is not.
In the early days when they were truly so bad that the jokes, mostly based on fact were sayings such as, "Marv Throneberry was so bad that once he struck out and threw his helmet down and missed the ground!"
We have had our share of self induced pain and self inflicted losses but we were the perennial underdog and as such had and still have a loving and loyal following.
So why, after becoming a mainstream, old line team compared to some are the Mets still receiving such hatred from baseball umpires and the media?
The Mets suck so far this year and I use that term based on the amount of money spent to put this team together and the talent they supposedly field. Their batting coaches must be blind zombies because this team, like no other goes into a team wide slump for weeks at a time with seemingly no help.
And until recently an umpire could and would dump on the Mets ruling against them every chance he got on close plays without fear of an irate manager running out and jawing at him. Of course if looks could kill Randolph would have been in jail for murder many times over.
But the Met braintrust met and gave Willie the willies. He is now a more demonstrative manager, smiling, 'high-fiving' and yelling and doing so at the approproate time! He is finally showing some life. Now if only his team would.
And that brings me to my point. The Metsies can and do lose without any outside help, thank you very much. But they are trying (Lord are they trying) and still the close calls go against them. Perhaps if the team were sold to the Steinbrenners we could become part of that family's long heritage of deceipt, graft and intimidation and be a winner as well.
But that will thankfully not happen so as a last resort I ask how many times will an umpire make an obviously wrong call against the Mets before someone starts to question things?
In a game on May 30th against the L A Dodgers the Mets were leading by a single run late in the game. Cute and sweet little L.A. outfielder Juan Pierre hit a slow ground ball to Reyes at short. Knowing how fast the Dodger munchkin could run Jose Reyes made a great play and a hard fast accurate throw to first base to get the speedy Pierre out by a foot, according to every replay known to man. BUT before Pierre's foot came down on the base the umpire had already called him safe. Randolph even came out to argue so you have to know he was out. But Willie's wallet was alas empty and the play stood. As a result the Dodgers took the lead and eventually won the game.
Will anyone look into the finances of this crooked or terribly bad umpire?
Of course not.
Will he be reprimanded?
No way, Jose.
Will he have to split the money he got for making the call?
Probably. I would not be surprised to find out that the umps have a pool much like waitresses at a diner.
But even the New York papers did not mention the bad call. You see it went against the Mets. And coincidentally in favor of the Dodgers who's manager is a New York favorite, to some.
If that call was against the Yankees it would have been overturned. Don't believe me? Ask Carlos Delgado who hit a HOME RUN off the FOUL POLE at Junkee Stadium. After it was intially ruled a home run the bastards on the Yankees reminded the umpires of their obligations and they met for a conference. After deciding on how to divvy up the graft they turned and declared the home run a foul ball. (The joke was on them because their employer lost the game anyway, this time.)
Of course you also could go back to the play when that little bastard brat reached over the wall and interefered with a sure out in the Bronx. The bums were playing Boston and the ensuing home run changed the entire series around. Little Billy sat on the bench next to his steroid laden heroes the next day after the umpires ruled whatever way they felt helped the Yankees out the most.
I would love just once for baseball to look into a play like the Home Run foul ball or the "safe when he was out by at least a foot" play noted above and fire the culprits, making it public. Let the fans know that baseball is trying to clean up its act and it will not put up with such obviously bad calls. It is one thing to get it wrong but it is quite another thing to not care which way the play goes as long as you get paid for the call. Pretty soon all we will have to do is bid for the victory of every game and not bother putting on uniforms. Anyone care to guess who will then win every World Series?

Sports and the Gambling Refs!!!

I know it will seem like a biased piece but so what, it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to, rant if I want to, rant if I want to. You would rant too if it happened to you! (Sorry Leslie.)

I watched two games this weekend, the Mets against Atlanta in baseball and the Rangers against the Devils in hockey. Both games featured calls that should, if it really mattered cause the ref or umpire who made the call to be barred for life from their respective game and even investigated for gambling and other crimes.

In the Mets game with bases loaded and nobody out the Mets were losing to the hated Atlanta Braves and thier cadre of "in the pocket" umpires by 3 runs. A short fly ball to center dropped in and two runs would score and a rally would be under way. But wait, this is Atlanta and everyone knows they are good so the umpire called the fly ball single an out and even a double play when one of the runners who saw the ball drop in was caught off base. A long argument ensued and when the corrupt umpire realized that the replay would show his ridiculously bought and paid for call as a clear as day bull shit call he reversed his decision. BUT he only allowed the Mets one run instead of the two that surely would have scored had he been a legitimate employee and not a gambling umpire and the rally was effectively over. The Mets lost the game failing to go ahead in the inning and the umpire collected his pay, secure in the knowledge that noone would ever find out he was in the pocket of the Braves.

In the hockey game that appeared to be important between the New York Rangers and the home New Jersey Devils the game was tied late in the third period. The Rangers needed a win in regulation time to go ahead of the Devils and get home ice advantage over, you guessed it, the Devils in the playoffs. A devil skater shot the puck from his ice out of the rink to avoid Rangers pressure with around 4 minutes left in the game. This is by rule a penalty and the Rangers would have a golden chance to win the game. However the 3 referees and umpires officiating the game chose not to call the obvious penalty against the home team and let the game continue. Seconds later a Ranger player was called for a penalty against the skater who got the puck that had left the ice area. In effect the Rangers were penalized for the infraction by the Devils.Will either of these obviously corrupt or in the very least inept refs be punished?

Do pigs fly?

There will be no action against these men and their bookies count on it.

Several years ago the New York Giants in football failed to get into the playoffs because a corrupt gambling ref mad a ridiculously obvious bad call. The Giant fans were audibly upset but to no avail as the hated "Americas Team" (Crock of shit) Dallas Cowboys enjoyed another playoff run and the New York Team went home to lick their wounds. It made the back page headlines but so what? It wasn't until several months after the season ended that a tiny article way back in the double digit pages of the paper announed that a football ref was indited for gambling that Giant fans realized they were scammed and the Dallas Cowboys had used their money wisely. Did anything change? Of course not.

When will professional sports realize their problem and get rid of these piece of shit phoneys?

Obviously never. The fans are the only ones who can make them change. Demand that refs and umps be vetted out and any obvious bullshit calls be investigated. If criminal charges should be brought do so and make the games that reap so much money as to be obscene at least be played on a level and fair playing field!

For anyone who likes their sports
Their friends and all their cohorts
We must all try to dump
A corrupt evil ump
They’re like pimples and real ugly warts.