Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Headlines of 2015

On the Political front:

Jeb Bush announces his running mate - Jenna Bush for the run to the White House.

Daddy / Grandpa George was proud of the ticket while tottering Barbara was quoted as saying, "It's about time. I ain't gonna live forever ya know!"

No Barbara, we don't know!

Health Care News:

President Obama finally gives in to the powers that be and announces that he will no longer seek to hold Health Insurance companies accountable for the rising costs of Health Care. His reform hopes have been dashed for the last time as average monthly premiums reach $25,000.

Dick Armey, figurehead and spokesperson for the all-powerful Insurance Lobby could not be reached for comment at his penthouse suite in Dubai but his assistant, the Sheik Achmed Al-Ahrazian ben Dubadian Min Alrazi came out of a meeting with OPEC members to say, "We are trying to keep the costs down but you know how difficult that can be.

Perhaps you Americans should stop seeking yearly check-ups!" The sheik also announced that the Cartel promised to hold oil prices below $400 per barrel as long as the Americans stop this foolish search for alternative energy.

Breaking News on the weather:

Scientists are still trying to convince politicians that Global Warming is the cause for this years' record droughts across the mid-west and 49 major Atlantic hurricanes but lawmakers will have none of it.

Speaking for the loyal opposition Reverend Michael Chertoff said that there is no proof that this is not just a cycle. "I mean you expect to get a few Katrina-like storms over the course of a century. It's Gods will! There's no need to cause public panic. And those people who died in the Carolinas would be alive today if they'd have evacuated when we told them to!"

And finally in Sports:

The newest addition to the NFL, The Taiwanese Tigers introduced their quarterback to the media today.

Wearing number 4 Brett Favre promised to do his best to bring the Super Bowl to Asia!

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