Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Smartest President Ever

More and more books and reports are turning up with the same message about our illustrious current administration. It seems clear that our leaders knew the real situation prior to our Iraq attack. They are being accused of falsifying data and doctoring reports about weapons of mass destruction. This fiction convinced congress that we must invade the sovereign country of Iraq and get rid of that bad man, Saddam Hussein. The real culprits of the attacks on America most likely sat back in amazement at our stupidity. Or was it stupid?
On the face of it aside from destabilizing the entire area and becoming a poster boy for terror recruitment Mr. Bush appeared to be without a clue. He endured ridicule and questions about his intelligence, in more ways than one, and still does.
And every time a new book is published about the lies perpetrated by his administration we hear the party line, “That’s absurd.” They continue to deflect and deny any wrong doing.
But I say that enough is enough and Team Bush should change their tactic. Anyone who has ever lied understands that it is very hard to remember all the lies and eventually you will be found out due to inconsistencies in your story.
That time has long since passed for the team so a new direction is called for. I propose that the President and his most evil friend, Cheney step up to the plate and come clean. Since Nancy Pelosi has taken impeachment off the table and a legacy is the last thing these two men care about why not?
Here is my wish for the last address to the nation by the worst President this country has ever had.
“My fellow Americans I come here before you to clear up a few things before I leave.
I know that many of you feel I am stupid and that my BFF Cheney is evil but you could not be more wrong. Okay Cheney is evil but neither of us is stupid. Guess who the stupid ones are America?
Here’s a hint.
Who elected us?
Okay there is still doubt about the first election when we kind of stole the thing but you must admit we were pretty damn smart and sly in the way we pulled that one off. Don’t like it? Chad this!
And then who reelected us? And oh please don’t give me that BS about Ohio. My other BFF Karl says we may have won even if we hadn’t cheated there.
And how many of you have actually read “My Pet Goat?” I couldn’t put it down. And I showed those children that you must finish something you start, that’s why I didn’t move after we were attacked. That and weak knees.
But jump ahead to the invasion of Iraq.
Everyone says that was a mistake. Are you for real? Do any of you realize how much money Dick and I have made for ourselves and our friends? Like, Oh – My – God.
My family will never have to worry about anything for as long as they live. And I am talking generations to come assuming that Global Climate thing is not real but Laura and I will be long gone by then.
And Dick’s family is even in a better position for the future, including that Lesbian daughter of his who really doesn’t like him.
Congress cannot touch us and we are going to retire with riches not seen since those guys in Dubai left their bank books open to view. And who do you think helped them amass their fortunes?
Now you know why I still have a 28% approval rating. And every last percentage point of them is invited to my farewell beer and barbecue blast January 21st at the ranch. Wait until you see that spread.
And just like Oprah I’m giving away cars to all who come. Hummers for everyone. With armor!
So I’m stupid America.
I think not.
Well, it’s time to make like a tree and get out of here.
Good night America and good luck with the next guy.”

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