JUMBO SHRIMP & OTHER OXYMORONS

We are all familiar with an oxymoron or two, (click to link) or perhaps fifty.

The ones we readily know are simple terms likes jumbo shrimp or the Great Depression.

But there are hidden ones that we hear all the time and fail to notice their inherent absurdity such as Government Intelligence.

Here are a few more modern ones:

LIPA – Long Island Power Authority – which has none or chooses not to use it if it does!

NIFA – Nassau County Interim Finance Authority – Which again has none and doesn't seem to care!

Pro-Life – Well, not all life, just the ones we want to be 'Pro' for. This group opposes the Pro Choice movement and chooses life only for an unborn fetus OVER THE LIFE OF THE MOTHER! (Their name should be changed to NO CHOICE!)

The Heritage Foundation – Whose? A group that cares not for America’s heritage but only that of a few wealthy anti-government regulations wealthy business owners.  Understanding that the America we know was founded and built by aliens and slaves so to deny that fact would be to deny our heritage!

Family Research Council – The name implies they are looking into all things that make up families when in fact they are interested only in families of traditional white Anglo-Saxon heterosexuals (preferably with lots of money!)

American Family Association - Very anti-Founding Fathers’ idea of an America free from religion in government they advocate a full return to the bible as law! They should remove the first word from their name or add ‘Church Going’ after it.

Citizens United – Who are they kidding? Clearly this group usurps all the power it can from the hands of the average citizen by making sure money and only large sums of it controls government. The 'citizens' they speak of are corporations which, contrary to morons on the Supreme Court ARE NOT PEOPLE!

Eagle Forum – The symbol of America is the Eagle so using the bird’s name in their title makes you think they are 100% for America! But they advocate NO government in their lives. They don’t have a clue!

Freedom Works – Sounds like a good thing except when you realize they want total freedom from taxes which would basically de-fund America! Oh, and like most Conservative groups they are against the Environmental Protection Agency since it costs money to operate. They’d rather die from pollution with money than give a little back so that all Americans could live longer! In essence the way this group uses the term freedom does not work!

Legal Reform – This is advocated by the US Chamber of Commerce and sounds fair, but a look at the agenda proves otherwise. The group wishes to remove all litigation against big business so that they can run roughshod over individual rights and pollute as they wish in order to create more wealth for themselves and their friends! It should say illegal reform.

Any GOP led Hearing: The current controlling political party in Congress has made a habit of making believe the hearings they convene and investigations they fund are legitimate when in fact they are complete farces. The witch hunts they utilize are meant only to bolster their power over the majority of the country and ensure their reelections.

And finally two of my personal favorites that need no explanation (but I will comment nevertheless):

Jews for Jesus (If you are then you are not!
and the most obvious oxymoron in America today,
Fox News.

Addendum to LIPA Grade of F

Amid all the hardship and heartfelt prayers and good wishes for those who lost so much as a result of Super Storm Sandy sits one remaining fact - 2 full weeks after the storm hundreds of thousands are still without power.  And many will not have it  back by Thanksgiving!
On Long Island where we can boast the highest power rate in the country there are still ONE EIGHTH OF A MILLION CUSTOMERS  WITHOUT POWER!

Seaside Heights Boardwalk
and CUSTOMERS ruined by
Sandy & insulted by LIPA

Understand that 125,000 customers means on average four times that many humans are without heat or electricity since power companies consider the house to be the customer and not the actual family that resides within.
And that is an important distinction because it points to the fact that large corporations such as LIPA (Long Island Power Authority for those lucky enough to NOT know who this is) don't care about people nearly as much as they do about the money they receive from a customer!  And that customer could be a robot as long as it pays the bill.
But here is the key point I must make:
Before during and just after the storm started its massive take down of the entire northeast corridor of America LIPA realized it was in trouble.
They made calls for help from out of State crews which is the right thing to do in an emergency.
BUT!!!!
LIPA's union demanded that the crew members join the union before coming to help.
The particulars to the LIPA demands are in many papers and I will not bother to repeat them here but I provide this link to view them.
I have one question - What would have happened if New York City demanded that all 'First Responders' stop at the border of Manhattan to show their union cards or citizenship cards or any ID card before rushing to the World Trade Center on 911????  These heroes risked and many lost their lives without thinking about anything other than helping those in need.
I am all for unions as we need them to counterbalance the greediest owners of large corporations who use any excuse to squeeze workers for more cash but when self serving stupidity clouds your agenda perhaps you must sit back and agree that you have seen the enemy, AND HE IS YOU!

Don’t Hire the Politically Handicapped

Forget political parties; forget ideological affiliations; forget political patronage; forget everything you ever learned about right and wrong and ask yourself if you believe there is any job in the world that can only be done by one person and one person alone!

In other words if the person doing that job was suddenly gone would that mean the job would go forever without being done? Should we close up the entire shop when one of the key players leaves?

Of course this is absurd and only vastly egomaniacal people with personality disorders bordering upon insanity would think so.

And yet we hear this kind of talk every day on the political stage. And I call it a stage since we can all see that our leaders are indeed players acting upon it with generally no real idea what their next line is. They are given those lines by the true rulers of the country working behind the scenes in board rooms and proverbial smoke-filled rooms of Wall Street and the like.

But don’t think these anti middle class shenanigans are only played out on the national stage. Pull back the curtain a bit and you will find these acts are as abundant if not more so ‘off-Broadway’ as well as on albeit in a much smaller market affecting smaller numbers of citizens.

This week it came to light that New York’s Suffolk County executive Steve Bellone hired Fred Pollert to fill the role of Chief Fiscal Deputy.

This is good since we all know how badly government is doing these days and a little fiscal responsibility wouldn’t hurt.

But 62 year old Mr. Pollert is already receiving a tax payer funded pension of just under $133,000 per year to twiddle his thumbs. The hiring of this former budget guru will now cost the cash strapped county an additional $175,000 per year. Not to mention increase the man’s future pension higher into the stratosphere.

Of course the county must secure a waiver in order to get Mr. Pollert his extra spending money but since when did a small matter of keeping within the law ever stop a little back room deal from becoming a reality.

But as I said at the beginning of this piece let’s forget all this and focus on one statement made by the man about to dole out more cash from the cash strapped coffers of the county.

“This is a classic definition of why we have a waiver,” Bellone said. "We have a fiscal crisis . . . and there is no one who has Fred's wealth of knowledge or depth of experience to get the job done . . . We cannot afford time for a learning curve."

Seriously??

No one???  Not even Ayn Rand (I shudder to mention that name but for effect what the heck.)

Naturally the arguments will be made showing the mans credentials and the possibility that he can help the county in the long run but my question is simply, if he is the right man for the job then why should we not ask Mr. Bellone to step down and let the real man do the job?

Again let me iterate that Mr. Pollert has performed admirably in his previous positions including his work under Steve Levy, the Demopublican or is it Repubocrat, I forget which former county executive of Suffolk.

Fred Pollert also moved into another high paying position after his last stint in public life to work for LIPA, or as I affectionately call it, LIPA-suction since it tends to remove all the fat from the wallets of Long Islanders.

I understand that when one wins an election and has to start governing it is a good thing to have people you know working alongside you. It is also important to have the right man, or woman for that job. But is it possible that in the end there is only one person that can foot the bill, fill the vacancy and do the job?

We are already paying Mr. Pollert a more than adequate thank you for 27 years of service. Could there be another person with some financial knowledge and skills somewhere out there who may, for reasons not of his or her choosing be unemployed and in need of a job?

Remember what Ben Franklin said when he purportedly proposed choosing an elderly woman to receive his affections over a younger one; (sic) she is much more experienced and far more grateful!

And so too the person hired to do the necessary job of cleaning up the county will not have any party affiliation or be burdened by the need to pay back a favor other than the one to his new employer, Suffolk County!

Vocabulary Lesson - Budgets

Okay children the class will come to order.

Today's subject is vocabulary in the real world.

What does the word budget mean?

How about balanced?  Of course I mean ‘balanced’ the normal human way of using it and not the way Fox News does which is totally distorted and self serving bullshit.

When you plan a budget it generally means that you wish to have all your bills covered and accounted for.  There are to be no surprises when the bill's due date arrives because you have budgeted for the amount due.  It means you have put aside enough money to pay the bill.

Now on to the second word, balanced.

When something is balanced it will not tip over.  It will likewise not throw you off like a seesaw with an incredibly obese person on the other side, assuming you are not also incredibly obese and one of you doesn't suddenly get up.

So if we were to put both of these words together into one phrase or sentence the odds are we would have an incredibly balanced budget.

This budget would be one we could count on to last for the duration and never give us any problems, right?

This budget would allow us to sleep peacefully at night in the knowledge that all our bills were covered and the world was a wonderful place.

Well boys and girls I hate to break it to you but we must now examine the real world.

I don't condone the dirty
practices of large
corporations these days.

Companies are in business to make money.  But those same companies never heard of Professor Charles Kingfield of ‘The Paper Chase.’  They don't earn it the old-fashioned way. They'd rather trick their customers in a new-fashioned way.

It's the new normal of the business world.

Now not every company is hell bent on fraudulent practices but so many are reaping by raping that more will see the benefits and join in.

One of the originators of fraudulent practices is the infamous Long Island Power Authority commonly known as LIPA.  This group charges whatever they wish and their rates are among the highest in the country.

LIPA, which actually stands for Lowlife Insane Pricks of America offers their customers the convenience of “Balanced Budget Billing.”

This oxymoron by the morons of the country is supposed to mean that they set you up with a certain monthly amount at the beginning of a year and you can authorize automatic payments from your bank to cover them.

Their sister company in crime, National Grid, formerly Keyspan, Marketspan, Keyspan, nee Brooklyn Union Gas uses a similar tactic.

Both companies charge penalties for late payments.

Now for the fun part.

These two crooks of America (actually National Grid is a British Company) don’t keep their budgets going for a year.

About four or five months into the year they recalculate and if they feel they are falling behind or one of their CEOs has a vacation to take care of or a mistress in need they raise the budget!

Guess what Kessel has
in his gullet and
win a prize

Okay, not every CEO has a mistress.  In the case of old LIPA-suction head, Richard Kessel the extra need was probably for more fatty fast food for that fat f**k!  And who knows what current head Kevin (above the) Law needs?
The amazing part of this story is that the utilities who offer this balanced budget scheme may also lower the monthly amount for a while.
The best example I lived through was a few years back when the budget was raised 4 months in, lowered 2 months later, raised back higher in 2 months and then lowered for the last 2 months.  BUT if they had kept the starting amount for the entire budget we would have been within $10 at the end of the year!  Incredibly stupid!!!

So how do you budget when two of the utilities you must pay are constantly changing the amount you owe to suit some whim?

Well frankly you don’t!

And if you err and pay the originally budgeted for  lower amount expect to spend a few hours on the phone trying to get a human to speak with who may or may not have the intelligence or wherewithal to help you.  It may be better to just pay the bill and the extra charges and chalk it up to helping the economy.

After all when we pay these fat cats more money they make larger profits and therefore pay more in taxes, right?

Oh wait, no they don’t.

I just remembered the Bush tax shelter aka tax cut gift to the rich is still in effect.

So I guess the phrase ‘balance budget’ means bend over, get you balance, grab your ankles and let the big corporations do whatever they like.

Okay boys and girls, class dismissed.