MUSINGS ON SAYINGS

I've always enjoyed phrases that make you stop and think.

Here are a few oxymorons and silly sayings that I call:

'Lexicon-jobs.'

(Cue the drummer!)

"I heard you just had a little baby."

"Well, I'm married, so I already have a big baby!"

"Did you have a nice shower?"

"Nah, I decided to have an ugly one today!"

Big Pharma: "Do not take 'mxyplxt' if you are allergic to 'mxyplxt'.

"Why not? I love the way I look when my skin gets those bright red itchy polka dots."

"Have a headache?"

"No thanks, I already have one."

"If you cannot afford your drug, 'ABX' might be able to help you."

"Might??? JUST LOWER THE PRICE!"

"How about a spot of tea?"

"Uh, no thanks, I just cleaned this outfit."

Sports: "He's holding his own!"

He'd better be holding his own, or a fight could break out!

Lawn sign: "House for sale, By Owner."

As opposed to, "House for sale by neighbor down the block on the left. I hate the guy!"

Baseball: "The pitch was too high, for a ball."

Then what was it?

And of course, old favorites:

'Jumbo shrimp'

'Government Intelligence'

And sadly, 'Republican integrity'.