Hypocritical Oath

A secret document was just uncovered that may help everyone understand what is happening in America these days.

I am risking much to bring this document to light but I do so in the spirit of that which made America great and in the hopes that one day we shall re-achieve that greatness.

Here then is the HYPOCRITICAL OATH recited with the right hand up and the left hand on the Bible with fingers crossed:


FIRST DO NO HARM that can later be pinned on you.


MAKE SURE THE NEEDY ARE TAKEN CARE OF in a way that causes no imposition to yourself or the wealthy.


BLOCK BY ANY AND ALL MEANS NECESSARY REFORMS MEANT TO HARM OTHERS as long as those others continue to pay for the service.


NEVER ALLOW NOR ANSWER A LOADED QUESTION unless it is presented by a supporter, flunky, or favorable news network.


NEVER TELL A LIE but if caught in one blame faulty information supplied by the other side.


COACH OTHERS IN THE WAYS OF A PURE AND PEACEFUL EXISTENCE PASSING LAWS TO ASSIST THEM IN THOSE ENDEAVORS based solely on your religious upbringing regardless of what non-believing infidels think.


CONTINUE THE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE in the physical sense only and by at least a couple of avenues or long blocks.


USE NOT THE KNIFE TO COMMIT A CRIME as long as guns are still available from the NRA.


NEVER KNOWING GIVE OR ALLOW TO BE TAKEN ANY DRUG THAT CAN DO HARM unless the minimum pricing schedule set up by 'Big Pharma' has been followed.


NEVER USE OR ABUSE THE PUBLIC TRUST AFTER GATHERING THE PERSONAL INFORMATION OF OTHERS unless it is deemed necessary to help the careers of your friends, your sponsors or your loved ones.


NEVER CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE without an escape clause ready and an assistant to swear by it at your side.


CONTINUE TO PREACH LOWER TAXES FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS as long as you can get away with that myth.


MAKE PUBLIC YOUR THOUGHTS ON HOW TO BETTER THE NATION without any intention of following through on them thereby using the loophole, "It's the thought that counts."


IF FOUND TO HAVE BROKEN ANY OF THE ABOVE RULES BY A JURY OF YOUR PEERS YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY RESIGN and accept a pension not less than your entire lifetime salary and a position with a lobby of your choice.

NOW REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:
THESE ARE THE RULES TO WHICH I COMMIT MYSELF AND THEREBY DEDICATE MY LIFE IN THE HALLOWED HALLS OF THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS SO HELP ME MY GOD