Et Tu Ratzinger

I hope I don't offend any friends of mine out there, assuming I still have any but I must say that it appears as though the most vocal anti-gay people in the world turn out to be closeted gays themselves.
You can make your own list of Americans such as the latest homo-phobic phony, founder and former family research council leader Mr. Rekers who turns out to not only be gay but openly hires lovers to carry his uh, junk.
So when we hear someone really go after the gay community we have to wonder.
After all how can a sane normal human being possibly be offended or threatened by the love one individual has for another?
Let's hope the day never comes when you are told what you may or may not do with your loved one behind the closed secure door of your own home.  Naturally I am ruling out murder or terrorism etc but surely sharing and making love with your partner is nobody else's business.
And that brings me tot he latest individual who is railing publicly against gays and gay marriage.  And he did so while wearing his latest Elton John type outfit replete with a funny hat and luxurious rings on every finger that are probably worth more than most nations' yearly GDP.
The man is none other than the former Nazi Wunderkind, Pope Benedict XVI himself.
He recently called Gay marriage 'insidious and dangerous!'
Insidious? - Dangerous?
Methinks the Pope doth protest too much!
Hey guy, ever hear of the phrase, 'make love not war?'
Oh, I forgot - I'm talking to the figurehead of the group that brought you the Papal Wars.
Okay, I am not suggesting the Pope is gay but I would like to reiterate another old saying, "You don't play the game, you don't make the rules!"
In a world where there is so much hate and fear already would it not be better for the leader of such a large group of people to focus on ending discrimination rather than propagating it?
What can be better than the love of two people for each other?
The corporation and big business that is the Vatican and the Roman Catholic religion is treading into troubled waters.  And while the CEO is continuing to spout the party line and turn a deaf ear to world around him the overall company may start to lose customers.
If the Pope insists on this line of rhetoric he should resign his post in Rome and run for a seat in the US Congress.  He'll fit right in!

Heil Goehring

In another Republican / Conservative 'Never Mind' moment Brad Goehring who is running for office in San Francisco's district 11 suggested hunting down and, I guess shooting Liberals.
Naturally the moron rescinded his call to arms by saying it was a joke.
But one thing these idiots never seem to get is words have consequences.  And if you are running for public office you should choose your words wisely.  I'm certain the old guard in the cave would say, "He chose - poorly!"
Whether or not this latest addition to the Republican Nut House should be permanently placed in the Palin wing remains to be seen.  But one thing is clear, his statement may not have been a joke but he sure is.

Pointing the Way to Salvation?

A friend of mine forwarded the following photo of a supposed architectural miscue.
I have no preconceived notion of the builder's intent but clearly he neglected to take into account the position of the Sun nor its shadow in the erection of this wall.
It seems as though the best laid plans of mice and men often point the wrong way.
Perhaps you must have balls to forward something like this but I won't limp away from controversy.
Every member of my being stands erect in my beliefs.
After viewing the photo take a pregnant pause and then add a comment if you like.
But beware, the issue is a thorny one filled with many possible pricks.


Oh, and by the way, the wall in question is located at Saint Peter's Basilica.

Worried about publicity and how to stop scandals before they come to a head some priests may wish to sleep on it. (Hey, Don't ask; Don't tell.)


Maybe NSLIJ could use this photo in their ad - See post below.

New North Shore LIJ Commercial?

If you live in the New York – New Jersey area you may have seen or heard one of the three (so far) commercials touting the prowess of the doctors at the North Shore L I J Hospital family.

They tug at your heart strings and are meant as part of a self awareness campaign determined to get you to think of them when and if something medically goes wrong with your body.

The ads are effective but not complete.  Toward that end I have a suggestion.

Picture if you will:

The scene is a semi-crowded bar.
There is an early middle-aged man sitting on a stool.  He is leaning on his right elbow and his legs are slightly spread apart revealing a noticeable bulge in his crotch.
The man is slowly looking around at all the women in the room.
Suddenly he spots a rather beautiful busty blonde.
A slight smile spreads across his face.
The camera closes in on his crotch to reveal an increased arousal.

The voice over starts:

“This is my penis.

It’s the penis I used to get upset at when it wet my bed as a child

And it’s the penis I used to spend hours alone with after a new issue of Playboy came out

It's the penis that remembers that night in my chevy with Becky Sue

But it's also the penis that went limp when it found out it had prostate cancer

And it’s the penis I entrusted to the radiologists at North Shore LIJ to take care

And today it’s the penis that thinks of and thanks those doctors every time it stands at attention for a hot woman.”

The camera blurs as he walks out of the bar with the blonde on his arm.  He looks back and winks at the camera.

Fade to NSLIJ logo and out.

Walk & Blow Smoke?

Lindsay Graham (R-SC) showed the Republican plan of attack this week when he admitted that he could not walk and chew gum at the same time.

He said he could not work on any climate bill in Congress this year because the Democrats also want to handle the immigration problem.

And, he added, there is this oil spill thing going on that must be handled as well.

One begins to wonder if any of the Republicans in Government can multi task at all!  Perhaps they would have been better suited for a job on Henry Ford’s assembly line where all you had to do was one thing over and over and over.

Actually most of them are already doing only one thing over and over and over again. Unfortunately it is the phrase Nancy Reagan made famous; “Just say no!”

We should have a law that states if any member of Congress cannot take on two problems during the same session he or she should be removed.  This year that would have given the Democrats an incredible majority.  Certainly we would have seen the exit of those wonderful roadblocks; the Boners, I mean John Boner and Eric Cantor. Those two do tend to be inseparable, hmmm.

Of course Michelle Bachmann would also be making an early exit but not necessarily because she couldn't do two things at the same time.  One look at or rather through her eyes should give you a clue.  This airhead will not pass the separate part of the new law that would require an IQ over 12!

At a time when our country is being attacked on so many fronts it sure would be nice for our elected officials to man (and woman) up.

They should do their jobs and stop posturing for the cameras.

Keep your eyes on the problems at hand guys, not the November elections!

Mind Your BM Business

Ages ago in London, so the story goes pub owners were facing a dilemma.  They sold ale by the pail to their patrons who paid a pittance for the heartily brewed brew but profits seemed paltry.

After a sober investigation it was revealed that the problem lay with their short-handed accounting practices.

You see when they bought or sold the brew they did so in one of two sizes, pints and quarts.  But who had the time to write an entire word on a chalk board when faced with thirsty customers so a pint became ‘p’ and a quart ‘q.’

Well as any dyslexic or observant person will tell you a ‘p’ is basically the mirror image of a ‘q.’

So the pub owners or their workers were inadvertently logging in many ‘p’ quantities as ‘q’ sized or vice versa.

This led to paying out the wrong amount to suppliers who I’m certain never complained if the error was in their favor or charging the wrong amount to patrons who surely self-servingly acted in the same manner.

Continuation of the practice thus threatened the entire establishment with bankruptcy.

Usually stiff upper lip pub owners also known as Publicans looked for ways to ensure their workers would not propagate the mistake.

The entire episode led to the famous phrase, “Mind your Ps and Qs.”

Last week a similar mistake on Wall St. threatened to bankrupt our entire financial system.  It is postulated that a single trader accidentally hit the ‘B’ button on his keyboard rather than the ‘M’ and inadvertently, one hopes sold 15 billions shares of one company instead of 15 million.

The subsequent panic sent sellers to their computers faster than parched sailors to a pub.  The shock wave went through the entire stock trading world and caused this investor to reach for more than a ‘p’ or a ‘q’ of alcoholic nectar.

Investigators will now sift through the evidence of the untimely act to see if it was indeed a mistake or if the ‘BM’ of a trader intended to send stock prices down so as to pick up a few bargains on the dip.

And back in London descendants of the brew and ale companies are smiling once again as they dust off the old phrase and prepare to insert new letters.

You certainly don’t need an MBA to figure the updated version.

Hey Wall St. mind your ‘Bs’ and ‘Ms.’!!

Chutzpah Revisited

The definition of the word Chutzpah, like so many words derived from the Yiddish language is best understood when given in an example.
The story goes that a young man is arrested for the murder of his parents. He is brought before a judge and asked if he has anything to say to the court.
"Have mercy your honor," he says, "I'm an orphan!"
Merriam Webster would do well to add this as the definitive definition of Chutzpah.
But surely it is not the only one they or we could use.  These days we see chutzpah everywhere.
So yo, listen up.
Joseph Bruno the former Teflon 'Don' of the New York State Senate was convicted of fraud and sentenced to 2 years in prison.
Over his entire career in politics Bruno was known as the so-called 'third man in the room' because no matter what horse trade was going on it had to be cleared with Da Boss.
I make no accusation against the man nor would I lest I wish to become a permanent neighbor of Mr.James Hoffa.  I'm sure he's a wonderful family man and loves all animals of da earth.
In his defense his attorney stated that the court should look at his long career of public service.
Really?
So in other words if you commit a crime you go to jail, but if you can commit the crime continually and over an extended period of time you should be commended???  For what, getting away with it???
I wonder what his parents would say.
Have mercy on Mr. Bruno, your honor, for Chutzpah's sake.

Wall St. Do Over?

On Thursday the stock market was going to go down anyway.  The cause this time was not the fraudulent practices of Goldman Sucks or the phony machinations of Congress and their soon to be failed financial reform debacle.  The impetus for this Dow drop was the rioting in Greece over their failing economy.

The Greeks are being asked to work a little longer hours and, well you can read about their troubles elsewhere.
Bu these days the world is truly flat and when Greek salad days end so it seems do ours.

However the fun was about to really start because some moron from a brokerage company decided to sell 15 million shares of something but accidentally hit the 'billions' button.

The experts call what the little moron did 'fat or fast fingering.'

HEY JACKASS - FAST FINGER THIS!

The result was a drop off the cliff for every company stock except for a few which actually rose to the sky!

Anyone who was still gun shy from the roller coaster rides of late 2008 to early 2009 probably sold all their stocks or lost them all to stop losses.

But the joke was on them because the good old boys on Wall St. caught the error and made sure none of them lost any money and the markets rose back as fast as they had fallen.

No, this is not an ad for the television show, "V."
Notice the fast finger moment and the quick recovery.

So once again the little guy was left out in the cold; his pocket picked; his portfolio pooped; his financial future precarious.

Wanna bet Goldman Sucks didn't lose a penny?

Those fast fingers of Wall St. deserve to be enshrined in "Fagin's Hall of Fame."

Late in the evening there was talk about voiding all the trades that took place during the fast fingering glitch and giving everyone back the money they lost.

Right.

And then the tooth fairy will give all of us a quarter and we can go buy Easter Eggs.